Circle of Friends

I'm confused. Dazed most of the time. A pivotal decision bugging your mind worth changing the leftover years in your lifetime. How do you decide when to move your queen on the chessboard? When everything else is in such a fixed place? I wish the easiness could be carried through from back when we were younger. Going to school. Enjoying time with friends. Playing it oh so cool.

Ever noticed how things become so different after years of being away? Like the space and the room has gone smaller..the road more narrow..your couch not as comfortable? Yet everything else is still the same. Same people fill your room...your memory...your mind. It's not just the growth of white hair that proves we have aged, but the common duties of our very existence. Proof of it is when my friends start talking about home furnitures and paint or the menu for their beloveds for the night. How could it be that the things that bind us together, are the things that also set us apart? One thing is for sure though. I look at my friends now and there is nothing but great PRIDE I have for them. Oh how they have...changed and yet, still remain the very same people I have cherished all these years. I was fortunate enough to have found my soul sisters back in college. And I know no matter how many "bubu"s I make, i will always have my own team to run to...when i am most definitely eaten with shame.

There is no absolute leader in our group. Just a bunch of girlfriends with similar interest and different passions. Jeh, will always be the apotheosis of primness and properness. I have never heard her loud or vulgar. Like a dear Rapunzel, a damzel though never in distress. But don't be fooled. She may personify absolute simplicity in character, but her coin purse is as expensive as my laptop. Che, will always be the perennial do-gooder. She can work and get along with anybody. She will find no fault in anyone. And she will readily forgive even the most demonic in- law. I love her. She will pick up the pieces with me clad in her sexiest outfit, and her son in tow. Hilarious! Vanny... will always and forever be the quintessencial elegant beauty. I know no one who can carry just jeans and a white tee to perfection. And we were in college back then! Now, nothing's changed. Except that despite having a beautiful daughter, she's still thinner than me. Rolling my eyes now! Abb...abbigail, will always be the sweetest person with the sweetest voice in the planet. She always reminds me to act accordingly even when it comes to people I have no patience with. We are so different, yet I understand her. She's become such a mother to her child. It's amazing to witness. Tina Perez will always be the absolute flaker like me. She will make an arrangement and change it last minute. And despite the aggravation, I cannot fault her. Because she's as time snob as me. I have yet to see her during this 2 month visit. And until I do, i will say nothing of her. Bwahahaha MeL maldita is the most opinionated, unfiltered, truthful, non-judgmental person I know. I try to keep secrets from her. But it never works. She knows. She'll know. It's scary. And most of the things people take pains to tell me? She'll tell me to my face without inhibitions. Yet i listen. And I love her for it.

And with the exception of one, I adore all my friends husbands. (Exception bec there's one who's still unmarried...like me! Just to be clear!=) ) They're patient. That's all that matters. I cannot even begin to describe the havoc we create when we are all together. It's a tsunami in the making magnified to plenty. Yet, it is the hands that bind us together through the storm...The years that keep us in close proximity to each other, even if say, one of us lives somewhere in NYC.

It is the thing that makes me want to stay.
Longer? Forever?
Who knows? I'm still confused.

Yet the clock continues to tick despite my longing.
Mindless of my yearning.
Nonchalant over my questioning.

I'm still waiting for a phonecall.
Will it come?
I shout to the world how substantially meaningful I have become. Yet I am bound to a mindless tragedy of hopeless hope.

A call that will make me rush to the ends of the world.
Just to hear. Just to know.

Yet my queen stays. Where it is. On guard.

Someone please tell me again what they heard from that LAKEHOUSE movie...

"If she's not careful...she might be waiting all her life."

This helps. IF youre like me.