When the Growing gets TOUGH

i was reminded of this conversation i had with a friend in Cali weeks ago as I lit my first cigarette of the day...it was when she said, "what do you know at 26?", in response to my "what could you possibly know at 18?" outburst...Ofcourse, i was mildly embarassed. Perhaps, beyond words. Not just for lack of tact, but for my obvious blunder. She was right in most avenue of thought...and my point on the subject matter was at a great disadvantage. I was smoking. Again...at 26. Something I deemed immature and unnecessary...at 18. And if age was truly proof of maturing, then I was obviously lacking in it.

it's just that i have lived by the book all my life. i have done, or atleast TRIED, to do everything right. My college photos are emblematic of my "perfect" past. Never drunk. Never drugged. Always sober. There was never a time you'd catch me in a bad paparazzi moment...I followed the rules. Bended a little. But never broke it.

so now i smoke. occassionally. big deal. I still AM the same person. I still have the same convictions. I still have the same desires, same passion, same fire. I still love being with my little angels, walking in the park, doing community service, talking to my mom, exchanging emails with my dad, shopping for my siblings, having dinner with friends, enjoying good conversations, and exploring about life in all its triviality. I still have the same questions. I still long for the right answers. I still LIVE for the same REASON.

I am still the same person.

I may not be able to stand the color PINK anymore...or blonde hair...or LV's or any letter handbags...or Jackie O sunglasses...shiny materials...xbox or pool...or the spotlight. I absolutely detest fakeness...the absence of loyalty...insecurity...and overconfidence. But I still can't get over pop music, hollywood glam, or world class travel. I still wear my old and tattered sweater, use my 3 year old sneakers, and own the same kind of wristwatch. I'm still the person an ex beau said most girls will always love to hate...but up to now, i still don't give a flying f--k.

For I still have the same loving friends. The same loving family. Loved by the same loving God.

Who am I? someone who happens to have just started smoking again.

There are a few liberties to aging, my friends.