diary of a "BAD" girl...

For a moment, I was fully uncertain if I was to feel amused or offended when my good friend, Colette, screamed at me incredulously after she heard me answer her question. No, we weren't having our usual bickering and fun arguments. She was just mighty shocked with my answer. Well, for a second she was until she proceeded on to inform me that I should really try to get a life and do all the things I am mostly afraid of. That, or she says I should try getting laid.

Very funny! Sometimes I just have to remember how the hell we became friends despite the extreme difference in our characters. But perhaps, because of all that we have been through, she really was AFTER ALL, a dear friend who KNEW me to the core even without me telling her. My friend grew up in London, is far from conservative, gorgeous, and extremely kind. I was raised by strict Catholic parents, soulful, independent, and extremely faithful. What is surprising is how people mistake us for having opposite characters. Her being shy and quiet, myself being gutsy and clueless. The total chaos we concoct is far from imaginable. I myself find MYSELF going mental.

I am a fake ass BAD girl. She knows. I can talk the talk, look the walk, but NEVER walk the walk. Yet, it's how I have always been perceived. Fortunately, age has slowly worn off the image. I remember spending some time in California and people from a different realm were talking down on me like I was some kind of a "lost" cause. I took the beating...But not the teaching.

Do no tell me what to do in moments of great decisions. Judge if you must, but never be self-righteous. It is the trademark of the gods who are obsessed with goodness but know no weakness. Please...there may always be a mouthful to say to someone, but we live by example not by principle.

To behave accordingly in an environment where everyone is expected to behave is irrelevant. Like a school, every student is forced to follow certain rules to be able to graduate, to excel, to get good grades. In a community of believers, every follower is expected to be meek and mild or (you may argue with me on this, but I still insist) be gossiped about by the appointed leaders of the flock. To behave accordingly in an environment where everyone is NOT expected to always do the right thing is what's relevant. It is what you CHOOSE to do in the real world that matters! It is what you choose to say when no one is listening...what you choose to give when no one is watching...what you choose to love when no one is capable of loving. ONLY then do you get to decide. ONLY then do you get to JUDGE.

In the meantime, give every bad boy/bad girl a break. There is a rebellious cause behind the disguise.

That or they just look it.