and as the curtain closes...

Yes indeed...my final blog. It brings me of great sadness to come to a close and take my bows as a writer for my non-fictional life. Yes my dear friends, my blogging days are over. My wandering has finally come to an end...I have picked up every broken piece, found every missing puzzle, and healed every torn skin. I have been revitalized in spirit, though once so badly burned. I am ready to exit this rumble and head off to the door of righteousness. No more heavy heart. My guilt has been lifted.

Don't get me wrong, my flight to salvation land is far from over. I have just found my seat. But my seatbelt has been securely fastened, and my Savior did it for me. For years I have been going round and round the terminals trying to find the right gate. Once I may have found it, but they didn't let me on board. My baggage was too heavy...My flight left without me.

But I am ready to fly now. Without any baggage...
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LIVE as if it was your LAST!
As soon as my plane touched down I rushed to the Garden to watch my favorite band play in concert. Not even the lack of 32 hours of sleep, famine, or extreme tiredness could stop me from hearing my COLDPLAY live on stage. I was exhausted, but I was alive. That was all that matters...If there is one thing my weekend has taught me its to live without holding anything back..to love without any fear...to move on without any regrets. I have only one life to live. And it SHALL be LIVED.
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WAIT for TRUE LOVE
Cherish your single life. Take your time. DO not settle. Do not rush. I got re-acquainted over Florida fever with someone I briefly met last year at a NJ conference. I remember finding him intensely appealing, but I was with someone else at that time. And to that someone else, I placed my loyalty. Faithfulness is one of my greatest character. I cherish friendship and relationships like how a mother is to a child. And bec of that loyalty, i missed out on other friendships. But bec of my waiting, I mended missed opportunities. Better chances are given to those who wait. Don't ever get tired of it.
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MAKE A CONVICTION
I have never been a chain smoker. But I once smoked a whole lot, perhaps more than I should. I have never done drugs. I support chastity. But I DO have my own demons.... Smoking was my bad habbit and drunkenness was my worst vice. I would drink till I lost all graciousness, and smoke for the heck of it. But I am sober. And I am proud. My friends, it is doable...achievable...and utterly wonderful as long as you remain successful. It can happen. It will happen. Stand your ground.
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LET GO
There are things that are never meant to happen and you must decide for yourself to move on. The quicker, the better. I have always believed no man is worth your tears. If he was, then he wouldn't make you cry. I was waiting for that stab of hurt when i saw someone I used to go out with with someone else. But it never came. It was more of the feeling of awkwardness bec I knew our friendship will never be the same. My friend did ask me if I were honest from the beginning, would I think he would have been with me? All I can say is, this baggage has finally been sealed and drifted off to sea. If something was meant to happen, it should have happened. If not, it was never in the world meant to be.
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SMILE at the UNEXPECTED
I had the most amazing labor day weekend of my life. Despite the craziness of it all-- the stressful job, the messed up lifestyle... you form friendships, build your confidence, and find your once lost self. The best thing was bumping into people that would never have made you turn around, but did. "Strangers are friends you just have to get to know..."


And as I said, this is it, my final piece (or maybe not). I have brought you with me to this roller coaster of a ride and have often witnessed me puking my shitty complaints on line. But as it happens, it only takes a matter of evaluation. A stepping back of some sort...a "finding yourself" phase that may take a short while for some or a lifetime for others...It really depends you see. Some people may chose to stay in the muddy pit and refuse to get help, while some may decide they have absolutely have had ENOUGH.

Retribution comes so sweet when the body is no longer too ill of its misery and the heart is willing to be free.