Don't ever under estimate the power of kind words. It's priceless. You may be able to milk flattery, but you cannot depend on its sincerity. In some cases, the words spoken are not exactly kind. But they're just what you need to hear. On other days, some people just say things out of the ordinary. Yet even the ordinary circumstance becomes extra special when it catches you off guard and hits you right through the eye.
The thing that makes people interesting to me is the beef of what they have to say. Often times people can rant on and on about issues and politics, finance or job responsibilities, poverty or Iraq, God or relationships, but it doesn't really stain on you. I have met so many well-conversed and extremely informed people about whatever area of expertise they are in, but they all have the same quality. They are too self-involved...They love hearing themselves speak. They love being heard. But...does it move you??? Is it genuine? When a person speaks passionately about something, there is not a drop of vanity in their tone of conversation. Infact, it is the absence of self that makes it more interesting to listen to. Somewhere along the way you may be fortunate enough to encounter people who speak in such manner. Sometimes, they could even be more than just selfless and interesting. They could be downright hilarious and boisterously cheerful. Unfortunately, they dont come in flocks. Sigh...
I am lucky enough to have met such handful of people in my lifetime. They have moved me one way or the other. They have inspired me to total transformation perhaps not even knowing they have. Someone once said to me to "give until it hurts...until it hurts no more"...at another time someone said.."if you choose not to love others, then you choose not to love God".
I know it's just words. But see, WORDS when said at the right moment, at the right context...with the very best intentions, can move you.
Are your friends stuck in the same spot? Move them.
Jun 19, 2005
Jun 8, 2005
Queen of Disgrace
I AM afterall, the biggest KLUTZ in the world! No, I don't need anyone to remind me. I can tell you, everything embarassing you can ever think of--- has, and if not, will happen to ME. I'm not usually distorted. It's just that, when I am caught off-handed, I really make the worst scene. Believe me!!! Perhaps because my mind is just discombobulated with personal issues, the heat, work, or just plain boredom, I really can get myself into a whole new dimension of obliviousness. That or its just the New Yorker attitude of I don't give a damn or get out of my way!
Today, I elevated my dorkiness to the highest power when I attended the first day of summer class. My prof was in the process of introducing himself to the rest of us and I was able to write his name down. Someone next to me suddenly leaned over and asked, "What's the name?"...I looked up and saw one of the most gorgeous guys I have ever seen up close and responded to him with MY name. Shit! Ofcourse he tried making me feel better by saying it was nice to meet me but he explained he really was interested to know what our teacher's name was...Could I have been more shamed???! I have been in this situation so many times you'd think i would be used to it. But no...every shameful moment just gets more shameful every single time! A week ago, I remembered leaving my car unlocked in the garage as I was getting ready for bed. So I put on my most comfortable orange robe, spongebob fuzzy sleepers, dorkiest eyeglasses and went straight to my car just to lock it. In the elevator on the way back to my pad, two people shouted to hold the elevator. I didn't! i wouldn't be caught dead wearing what I was wearing! Unfortunately, they caught it just in time to share my supposedly personal ride back upstairs! Unbearable! Two cute guys living in my same building and of all the days to get stuck with them, God chose tonight! To make it worse, our ride stopped on one floor and refused to move. So they had to get out and switch elevators while I was soooo content to stay inside the non-working one till they left. It didn't happen. They waited and asked if I was coming and i was forced to share another unbearable ride with them....How unspeakable! My friends, my dear friends who are supposed to make me feel better when I shared them my stories chose to laugh their socks off instead of making me feel better. I know I said i don't care much about appearance. But there is a big difference between not caring about how you look to LOSING your DIGNITY! And I have successfully done just that!!!
Breaking stuff, slipping, having your phone ring in inappropriate places, getting hollered at by teenagers, banging into a post, calling the wrong person, sending text messages precisely to people who are not supposed to get them...etc...I've done it all! If there was a wanted list of dorks in the universe I will be in it. Fine! But before you place your bets as to who's going to fall in the man hole next, all I have to say is this...thank God for people like me! hahaha Man, i may be messed up at times but i sure don't make the world a boring place. Imagine if everyone else was so perfect..so prim..so proper? Imagine if no one ever said the wrong word or do the weirdest of things? Imagine if everone did just what their expected to do without trying to experience new things? If that's how the world is, then I'm sure glad to be different. I may be a klutz, but I do have some good moments. Infact, it's my klutziness that gets me noticed.
Don't be afraid to err. It's what makes us human.
Today, I elevated my dorkiness to the highest power when I attended the first day of summer class. My prof was in the process of introducing himself to the rest of us and I was able to write his name down. Someone next to me suddenly leaned over and asked, "What's the name?"...I looked up and saw one of the most gorgeous guys I have ever seen up close and responded to him with MY name. Shit! Ofcourse he tried making me feel better by saying it was nice to meet me but he explained he really was interested to know what our teacher's name was...Could I have been more shamed???! I have been in this situation so many times you'd think i would be used to it. But no...every shameful moment just gets more shameful every single time! A week ago, I remembered leaving my car unlocked in the garage as I was getting ready for bed. So I put on my most comfortable orange robe, spongebob fuzzy sleepers, dorkiest eyeglasses and went straight to my car just to lock it. In the elevator on the way back to my pad, two people shouted to hold the elevator. I didn't! i wouldn't be caught dead wearing what I was wearing! Unfortunately, they caught it just in time to share my supposedly personal ride back upstairs! Unbearable! Two cute guys living in my same building and of all the days to get stuck with them, God chose tonight! To make it worse, our ride stopped on one floor and refused to move. So they had to get out and switch elevators while I was soooo content to stay inside the non-working one till they left. It didn't happen. They waited and asked if I was coming and i was forced to share another unbearable ride with them....How unspeakable! My friends, my dear friends who are supposed to make me feel better when I shared them my stories chose to laugh their socks off instead of making me feel better. I know I said i don't care much about appearance. But there is a big difference between not caring about how you look to LOSING your DIGNITY! And I have successfully done just that!!!
Breaking stuff, slipping, having your phone ring in inappropriate places, getting hollered at by teenagers, banging into a post, calling the wrong person, sending text messages precisely to people who are not supposed to get them...etc...I've done it all! If there was a wanted list of dorks in the universe I will be in it. Fine! But before you place your bets as to who's going to fall in the man hole next, all I have to say is this...thank God for people like me! hahaha Man, i may be messed up at times but i sure don't make the world a boring place. Imagine if everyone else was so perfect..so prim..so proper? Imagine if no one ever said the wrong word or do the weirdest of things? Imagine if everone did just what their expected to do without trying to experience new things? If that's how the world is, then I'm sure glad to be different. I may be a klutz, but I do have some good moments. Infact, it's my klutziness that gets me noticed.
Don't be afraid to err. It's what makes us human.
Jun 1, 2005
May the Right Force be with you...Always.
The dark side of the force is strong with me. A little too strong. Every year I go through this rebellion stage where nothing else matters...Not even ME. I let go of everything that is substantial in my life and not worry about the consequence of my actions. It is liberating...gratifying...free. But just before you totally surrender to the dark side, one pivotal moment comes...and you realize that you're not ready to go Darth Vader after all.
My moment came just when I was throwing my insides out on the streets causing friends to prob'ly squirm as they witness my very undignified act of carelessness. I was wasted. It was humiliating... When I was done, I was trying my very best not to burst into tears. I may have lost control, but I certainly wasn't ready to lose my grace. Fine, fine...I prob'ly already did. But the thing is, I couldn't really give a damn anymore. As Howie Day's song goes, "even the best fall down sometimes...even the stars refuse to shine..." You see, if I had to give major importance to appearance and stature, then my quest for a meaningful life is hopeless. Everything physical is so trivial. Everything apparent is so...superficial. People can dress perfectly...wear the right clothes, the right make-up, have the best body, but that is so not...lasting. What is essential after all is what is invisible to the eye.
Ok..I am not justifying my errors. God knows there is no way I can get this one right. But I yearn to make it right somehow. I just have to use the force ;) or find the one that will bring balance to the force. Funny, a friend of mine who I saw a few days ago had this apologetic expression on his face and was trying his best to want to explain about prob'ly not calling in months. I tried to supress a grin. I was debating whether I should give him a hard time or let it go pretty easy. He obviously didn't know me well at all. This is my turf. Failed relationships is what i am good at. I don't need closure. I move on quickly. Although I applaud the man who will never leave without facing up to whatever consequence, I don't expect it. Not from most men. There are after all, only, a few good men.
I'm unpacking the last few boxes in the new apartment now. I'm also slowly regaining my composure. My roommate says "welcome back!". Damn, it feels good to be back. No cigarette packs...no wine bottles...no expensive shopping. It's just me and my music...my books...my friends...my family...my God. I struck out. But Im back on base. Ready to hit my homerun.
Really...i swear i can hear Yoda speaking to my ear somehow.
May the Good Force be with you. Always.
My moment came just when I was throwing my insides out on the streets causing friends to prob'ly squirm as they witness my very undignified act of carelessness. I was wasted. It was humiliating... When I was done, I was trying my very best not to burst into tears. I may have lost control, but I certainly wasn't ready to lose my grace. Fine, fine...I prob'ly already did. But the thing is, I couldn't really give a damn anymore. As Howie Day's song goes, "even the best fall down sometimes...even the stars refuse to shine..." You see, if I had to give major importance to appearance and stature, then my quest for a meaningful life is hopeless. Everything physical is so trivial. Everything apparent is so...superficial. People can dress perfectly...wear the right clothes, the right make-up, have the best body, but that is so not...lasting. What is essential after all is what is invisible to the eye.
Ok..I am not justifying my errors. God knows there is no way I can get this one right. But I yearn to make it right somehow. I just have to use the force ;) or find the one that will bring balance to the force. Funny, a friend of mine who I saw a few days ago had this apologetic expression on his face and was trying his best to want to explain about prob'ly not calling in months. I tried to supress a grin. I was debating whether I should give him a hard time or let it go pretty easy. He obviously didn't know me well at all. This is my turf. Failed relationships is what i am good at. I don't need closure. I move on quickly. Although I applaud the man who will never leave without facing up to whatever consequence, I don't expect it. Not from most men. There are after all, only, a few good men.
I'm unpacking the last few boxes in the new apartment now. I'm also slowly regaining my composure. My roommate says "welcome back!". Damn, it feels good to be back. No cigarette packs...no wine bottles...no expensive shopping. It's just me and my music...my books...my friends...my family...my God. I struck out. But Im back on base. Ready to hit my homerun.
Really...i swear i can hear Yoda speaking to my ear somehow.
May the Good Force be with you. Always.
May 24, 2005
God is a Comedian
Some people find it peculiar…my conversations with God. I converse with Him the same way I converse with any man, out loud. No I don’t murmur my thanks or talk to Him in my thoughts. I speak. I speak with Him as if He was around. Well, He is.
Everyday I voice out all my concerns, ummm errrrr, complaints. Everyday He listens to me whine and gripe about my very mundane life. It never ends. My God and I. We’re a team…
Sometimes He gets me into trouble. Perhaps a reminder that He still has the upper hand and I have to be more submissive to His plan. Like that day. I will never forget. There was this lady that used to work as a receptionist/secretary at my workplace. She hated me. The feeling was very much mutual. She was never kind to me. Always had the worst to say every morning. Always made sure she was the bringer of bad news. If she could make me feel like a total retard, she would. And oftentimes, she succeeded. She’s brought me to tears, think about quitting my job, and live in total misery. In short, she made my work life hell…One day, unlike most days, I was extremely late for work. I’m usually just late, but this time I was exceptionally late. As I was rushing down the corner to park my car, I hit this shiny silver accord with a bang. I died. It was the wicked witch’s car. I knew it was over. I could either run away and save myself from the shot, or I could come out clean and suffer eternally. I lost. I told her the truth…. But lo and behold, instead of reporting me to the police and be taken away in handcuffs, she gave me this strange look and did not say a word. She got up to check her car and the most amazing thing happened. Hers didn’t have even just a tiny bit of scratch. And mine, mine was as good as new. Maybe it was my lucky day or maybe she was just in a good mood, but she gave me a hug and said it was OK. From that day on, she was my best friend. She’s quit her job but up to now, I get cards from her during special occasions. Whew!
---------------
How about that one time back in college when I stayed up all night partying knowing I had a long reading to do? Unforgettable. I decided I was just going to come in late for class the next day thinking our orals would have been done by then and I would just be in time for lecture. So I went in 45 minutes later calculating for sure I already missed orals. I was wrong. In the middle of her lecture, she stopped. She called the last girl that just came in to stand right infront of class and summarize the entire reading. That girl was me… Unsurprisingly, I flunked my orals. But fortunately, I passed the class.
---------------
You’d think I’d get the drift. But every now and then I lose focus and I am given a much deserved spanking. Often times we come to think that we are in total control and nothing else matters but ourselves. We live our lives doing good only to those who are good to us….loving only those who love us…forgiving only those who seek us. How come? Can’t we go the extra mile? Can’t we reach out the other hand? When both our hands are full, why not lend our feet instead???.......In every risky situation, I try to find humor in it knowing fully that I will never be abandoned. At times when even I question the outcome, doubt the results, or disagree with the verdict, I let nature take its course knowing it is not my call of judgment, but my duty to follow.
Very recently, I’ve finally bowed down to my failed attempts of reconciliation with a friend. I’ve come to the point where I no longer hope for anything but friendship. I realized no matter how much I insist on something, I cannot just will it for myself. It must also be willed by the other. If not, then all efforts are left in vain. So I called upon my Redeemer to redeem me once again. I explained that I totally understand about wrong timing, wrong person, even wrong expectations. I am finally ready to let it go…So I told Him. I WAS READY. I was ready for the real thing...for the real ONE. No more wasting my time or making up excuses. No more fear of commitment or fear of rejection. No more.
But there around the corner, out of nowhere, I come face to face with my fear. And I was totally not ready.
Very funny…but thanks for reminding me.
Everyday I voice out all my concerns, ummm errrrr, complaints. Everyday He listens to me whine and gripe about my very mundane life. It never ends. My God and I. We’re a team…
Sometimes He gets me into trouble. Perhaps a reminder that He still has the upper hand and I have to be more submissive to His plan. Like that day. I will never forget. There was this lady that used to work as a receptionist/secretary at my workplace. She hated me. The feeling was very much mutual. She was never kind to me. Always had the worst to say every morning. Always made sure she was the bringer of bad news. If she could make me feel like a total retard, she would. And oftentimes, she succeeded. She’s brought me to tears, think about quitting my job, and live in total misery. In short, she made my work life hell…One day, unlike most days, I was extremely late for work. I’m usually just late, but this time I was exceptionally late. As I was rushing down the corner to park my car, I hit this shiny silver accord with a bang. I died. It was the wicked witch’s car. I knew it was over. I could either run away and save myself from the shot, or I could come out clean and suffer eternally. I lost. I told her the truth…. But lo and behold, instead of reporting me to the police and be taken away in handcuffs, she gave me this strange look and did not say a word. She got up to check her car and the most amazing thing happened. Hers didn’t have even just a tiny bit of scratch. And mine, mine was as good as new. Maybe it was my lucky day or maybe she was just in a good mood, but she gave me a hug and said it was OK. From that day on, she was my best friend. She’s quit her job but up to now, I get cards from her during special occasions. Whew!
---------------
How about that one time back in college when I stayed up all night partying knowing I had a long reading to do? Unforgettable. I decided I was just going to come in late for class the next day thinking our orals would have been done by then and I would just be in time for lecture. So I went in 45 minutes later calculating for sure I already missed orals. I was wrong. In the middle of her lecture, she stopped. She called the last girl that just came in to stand right infront of class and summarize the entire reading. That girl was me… Unsurprisingly, I flunked my orals. But fortunately, I passed the class.
---------------
You’d think I’d get the drift. But every now and then I lose focus and I am given a much deserved spanking. Often times we come to think that we are in total control and nothing else matters but ourselves. We live our lives doing good only to those who are good to us….loving only those who love us…forgiving only those who seek us. How come? Can’t we go the extra mile? Can’t we reach out the other hand? When both our hands are full, why not lend our feet instead???.......In every risky situation, I try to find humor in it knowing fully that I will never be abandoned. At times when even I question the outcome, doubt the results, or disagree with the verdict, I let nature take its course knowing it is not my call of judgment, but my duty to follow.
Very recently, I’ve finally bowed down to my failed attempts of reconciliation with a friend. I’ve come to the point where I no longer hope for anything but friendship. I realized no matter how much I insist on something, I cannot just will it for myself. It must also be willed by the other. If not, then all efforts are left in vain. So I called upon my Redeemer to redeem me once again. I explained that I totally understand about wrong timing, wrong person, even wrong expectations. I am finally ready to let it go…So I told Him. I WAS READY. I was ready for the real thing...for the real ONE. No more wasting my time or making up excuses. No more fear of commitment or fear of rejection. No more.
But there around the corner, out of nowhere, I come face to face with my fear. And I was totally not ready.
Very funny…but thanks for reminding me.
May 15, 2005
Happy Thoughts, anyone?
I need to hear some happy stories from people to get me through this week. Share your thoughts...inspire the weakest of hearts. Comments, anyone?
May 3, 2005
I do believe. Now that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are officially dating according to TIME, I have once again restored my faith in fairy tales. This means, my chances of marrying Brad Pitt may not be so far-fetched after all. Whew! What a relief! =) Anyway, it’s nice to be side-tracked once in a while by stories such as this. It gives room for some amusement in your busy schedule. Really, unlike most people, I am happy to hear this news flash. I am the kind of person who finds happiness when others are truly happy. Well, alright… I don’t know how much truth there is in Hollywood, but the idea of two people finding love is so…romantic. It gives you…hope. Ok. So that’s prob’ly all there is to it, hope. But isn’t HOPE such a great thing? I know how other people love saying- don’t keep your hopes up-, but why? Why shouldn’t we? Why not hope for the best? Wait for the best? Endure for the best?.....Don’t I deserve the best? Don’t YOU?
_____________
_____________
Apr 25, 2005
Reasons to Smile
Ok, ok, so I have been a little bit of “MIA” these past few weeks. But I do read your messages! And yes, I appreciate your feedback. It’s just that I have been swarmed with work due to finals. ( I had to finish editing a news piece I started more than a month ago and I wanted it to be brilliant!) As hoped, my story was how I wanted it to be and my professor thought it was absolutely FAB! =) When I heard this I was elated! Like a kid hitting a homerun on his first try at bat. I couldn’t ask for more…
I am also in the process of moving. Finally! Yes, so it’s my fifth move in four years! I’m glad it’s happening at this time though which is why I am looking forward to moving into my new place. I find it to be therapeutic especially at times when I am officially on LOA from my life and responsibilities. A move signals a change. It means packing up your stuff, sorting out what’s indispensable and what’s expendable, and moving forward. It means leaving behind all the shattered and broken pieces of your life. It means, letting go. No more days of waiting—for that doorbell that will never ring, for that car that will never pull over, for that package that will never arrive. It means a new home, new life, new memories. Not that I can’t stay put and mend my bridges. It’s just that there’s another world to conquer. Only this time, I come prepared.
I wish there was a book handed down from generation to generation that would explain the rules of adulthood. I wish there was a guideline of some sort as to how you are expected to behave and respond. Or at least a warning, that there will be a load of responsibilities ahead and you should take your time being a kid and enjoy life without worrying about rent or credit card payments or the right career choice. I wish there was a secret box of revelation that would warn you of what lies ahead and you can easily duck the heavy hits, miss the fall, or escape the unforgettable big blows. It’s frustrating! To be back on the same track and still not know what to do.
At the same time, how could anyone write a book about the rules of intimacy? And explain when to cross the line, or when to stay put? When to give in or when to give up? When to say more or when to say less? When to take the chance or when to let go? That darn book can’t tell you what you’re going through! Even your friends don’t know what you’re going through. How would they know what’s best for you? They can’t. You just have to find it out on your own.
But do not worry. It will offend God…It’s just like what I say to my kids when they come running to me with a cut or a bruise or a broken spirit, “You’ll live!”
--------------------------------------
Reasons to smile:
1. for a sunny day after a downpour of rain
-sit on a bench by a park...have your own designated place...read..converse with someone next to you...indulge in scoopfulls of ice cream or yogurt...relax.
2. for a good show
-i've finally come across a tv show I would actually rush home to watch, Grey's Anatomy! It's a must see!
3. for a friend who'll say just what you need to hear
-i asked a friend of mine as we were trying on some new swimsuits for the summer if I should be concerned about my body getting bigger. She feigns carelessness and says, "u're perfect!"..hahaha thanks, ys!
4. for a mechanic who does more for your car than what is paid for
-his name was Manny. He fixed my car...cleaned it..and wrote down everything I needed to do..he called a friend to fix my rear and gave me a good deal. I could have kissed him! Angels...always in disguise.
5. for an unexpected phone call from someone you miss
-it takes a great deal of courage to let go of one's pride and just dial the phone..but for someone who just wants to know how've u've been, how's school, how'd you do in your report, and all the little things happening in ur life, it's humbling. I personally make a mental record of what is gng on with friends..If you can't ask them, just pray for them.
6. for a song you've been waiting for on the radio
-yes! I love it every time it happens! My current faves, You and Me by Lifehouse and He will Carry Me, christian music by mark shultz
7. for a warm hug
-my kids give me this every day and I sometimes take it for granted...warm hugs from children are an absolute blessing...they're fr the heart
8. for a free meal
-don't you just love it when a friend comes over with a bag of pad thai even after you promised them you will never complain about your life again but it never happens?!
9. for a good deal
-when you realized your 5 dollar purchase is worth 15 at the end of the block!
10. for a friend who's back in town
I am also in the process of moving. Finally! Yes, so it’s my fifth move in four years! I’m glad it’s happening at this time though which is why I am looking forward to moving into my new place. I find it to be therapeutic especially at times when I am officially on LOA from my life and responsibilities. A move signals a change. It means packing up your stuff, sorting out what’s indispensable and what’s expendable, and moving forward. It means leaving behind all the shattered and broken pieces of your life. It means, letting go. No more days of waiting—for that doorbell that will never ring, for that car that will never pull over, for that package that will never arrive. It means a new home, new life, new memories. Not that I can’t stay put and mend my bridges. It’s just that there’s another world to conquer. Only this time, I come prepared.
I wish there was a book handed down from generation to generation that would explain the rules of adulthood. I wish there was a guideline of some sort as to how you are expected to behave and respond. Or at least a warning, that there will be a load of responsibilities ahead and you should take your time being a kid and enjoy life without worrying about rent or credit card payments or the right career choice. I wish there was a secret box of revelation that would warn you of what lies ahead and you can easily duck the heavy hits, miss the fall, or escape the unforgettable big blows. It’s frustrating! To be back on the same track and still not know what to do.
At the same time, how could anyone write a book about the rules of intimacy? And explain when to cross the line, or when to stay put? When to give in or when to give up? When to say more or when to say less? When to take the chance or when to let go? That darn book can’t tell you what you’re going through! Even your friends don’t know what you’re going through. How would they know what’s best for you? They can’t. You just have to find it out on your own.
But do not worry. It will offend God…It’s just like what I say to my kids when they come running to me with a cut or a bruise or a broken spirit, “You’ll live!”
--------------------------------------
Reasons to smile:
1. for a sunny day after a downpour of rain
-sit on a bench by a park...have your own designated place...read..converse with someone next to you...indulge in scoopfulls of ice cream or yogurt...relax.
2. for a good show
-i've finally come across a tv show I would actually rush home to watch, Grey's Anatomy! It's a must see!
3. for a friend who'll say just what you need to hear
-i asked a friend of mine as we were trying on some new swimsuits for the summer if I should be concerned about my body getting bigger. She feigns carelessness and says, "u're perfect!"..hahaha thanks, ys!
4. for a mechanic who does more for your car than what is paid for
-his name was Manny. He fixed my car...cleaned it..and wrote down everything I needed to do..he called a friend to fix my rear and gave me a good deal. I could have kissed him! Angels...always in disguise.
5. for an unexpected phone call from someone you miss
-it takes a great deal of courage to let go of one's pride and just dial the phone..but for someone who just wants to know how've u've been, how's school, how'd you do in your report, and all the little things happening in ur life, it's humbling. I personally make a mental record of what is gng on with friends..If you can't ask them, just pray for them.
6. for a song you've been waiting for on the radio
-yes! I love it every time it happens! My current faves, You and Me by Lifehouse and He will Carry Me, christian music by mark shultz
7. for a warm hug
-my kids give me this every day and I sometimes take it for granted...warm hugs from children are an absolute blessing...they're fr the heart
8. for a free meal
-don't you just love it when a friend comes over with a bag of pad thai even after you promised them you will never complain about your life again but it never happens?!
9. for a good deal
-when you realized your 5 dollar purchase is worth 15 at the end of the block!
10. for a friend who's back in town
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